SOCKS DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM MAYOR ROB FORD

TORONTO — Socks have joined Iceberg Vodka, Ford Motor Co., the Toronto Argonauts, and the Santa Claus Parade in distancing themselves from embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford.

"When he made those vulgar comments on Thursday," said one sock, "he was wearing socks. We socks do not condone the mayor's misogynistic comments."

"For that matter," added another sock, "we do not condone drinking and driving while wearing socks or doing crack cocaine while wearing socks."

With socks now denouncing Ford, he is almost entirely isolated. "Lies, 100 percent lies," the mayor spluttered outside his office this morning. "I was not wearing socks during any of those isolated incidents. I have no choice but to take my socks to court. I don't know what else to say."