50

50 chairs around a table 50 collapsing cottages 50 pairs of corduroy pants 50 runaway weather balloons 50 reasons to stop 50 shadowy phantoms 50 fireflies dancing in Jersey 50 reasons to continue 50 rocks on my parents’ headstone 50 unhummable songs 50 gentle kisses 50 exclamation marks 50 light tracks in the snow 50 tattered siddurs 50 tries at reading How It Is 50 noodles on my plate 50 insoluble regrets 50 trips to Gravenhurst 50 falling coconuts 50 familiar grins 50 bobbing matzoh balls 50 black poodles named Rufus carrying me to the edge of a shimmering lake

17 July 2009, the day before I turned 50